This isn’t just ‘a journey.’ It’s my journey.
I was a third generation, born-in member of a doomsday cult, better known as the Jehovah’s Witnesses. It was all I’d ever known, and as far as I knew, it was all I would ever know.
I’m sure glad I was wrong about that.
Eventually, I realized “The Truth” wasn’t—and I refused to spend my life living a lie, being a fake person to obtain fake love. But leaving a cult, even if you don’t realize it’s a cult, is neither straightforward nor simple. That’s not incidental.
Once you are baptized, you are literally expected to dedicate the rest of your life to serving the organization (not God, but the Jehovah’s Witnesses organization specifically) or be shunned if you stop believing. But nobody warned me about that.
I just wanted to make my parents proud of me. They didn’t seem to care about how smart I was or how well I did in school. But they cared about the Jehovah’s Witnesses. So I asked to get baptized.
I was 11.
I wouldn’t have been considered old enough to decide to leave the Witnesses. I couldn’t set my own bedtime or decide what I’d have for dinner. But answer their list of questions about the teachings, and I was evidently old enough to make the single worst decision of my life. (Don’t take the dunk!)
It’s no small task to trade in the life you’ve known—relationships, beliefs, support system—and start over from nothing. Rebuilding requires reconstructing not just your social circle but your core values and beliefs, one brick at a time.
But there is a reward.
Once you rebuild, your life truly belongs to you. It’s yours in a way it could never be inside the cult. No one can ever take that away.
Having been so isolated inside, I was left to make sense of a world I’d been lied to about my entire life—alone. I was ill-equipped and my entire life up to that point was setting me up to fail outside the coercive control system I grew up in.
I’d internalized so many dangerous messages. You cannot decide who is good and who is bad based on group membership. Not all outsiders are evil and not all insiders are righteous. Shunning is not ‘love.’ People-pleasing and avoiding conflict at all costs is a perfect setup for victimization. You don’t need consensus to make personal decisions. Trying to earn love by doing what others want only enslaves you. Ignore your instincts at your peril.
Getting past the programming was not immediate or easy. But I refused to fail because I refused to give up. I learned, albeit often the hard way. But I learned.
Back in the early 80s when I made my escape, there wasn’t an internet to provide so much support. I had to navigate the trauma, shunning, and emotional damage on my own. I’m so happy that’s not how it is anymore!
I wanted to add to the support and resources that would have made my own journey easier. That’s why I created this site—to share tools, insights, and hope for others who find themselves where I was: scared, hurt and confused.
I know it’s hard, because I did it. But I also know you can, because I did it.
Wherever you are in your own journey, I wish you all the best. Freedom sometimes has a high price, but I’ve never once regretted my decision to leave. Not second of one minute of one hour of one day. Never. And considering what it cost me, that’s not trivial.
It gets easier, I promise.
Much love, fellow traveler.
