Thinking About Baptism? Read This First
For young Jehovah’s Witnesses, baptism isn’t just a big deal — it’s the deal. And if you haven’t taken the dunk by the time others your age have, expect a flood of “encouragement.” You’ll always be told it’s your personal choice… right up until you don’t choose “yes” or “now.”
The pressure can feel suffocating, especially when it’s coming from people you love and don’t want to disappoint. The temptation to just give in and get everyone off your back is real.
But before you do, it’s worth understanding what you’re actually signing up for. Baptism isn’t just a public statement — it’s a lifetime vow. Some might even call it a contract — one that binds you to serve the organization for the rest of your life.
They Always Want More (and It’s Never Enough)
Baptism isn’t a milestone — it’s a measuring stick. But it’s only the first of many. You thought you were reaching a goalpost, but really, you were just starting the race. Once you’re baptized, you’re officially expected to prove your loyalty through greater and greater involvement.
Here’s the part nobody tells you: baptism doesn’t end the pressure — it amplifies it. The minute you do it, they move the goalposts. Suddenly, you’re qualified for a lot more theocratic activity and expected to take everything more seriously. You will be expected to set an example.
Instead of “When are you going to get baptized?” it becomes:
Why aren’t you commenting more at meetings?
When are you going to reach out for more “privileges”?
Are you going to be our next pioneer?
Will you be applying to Bethel?
Because when, in the history of ever, has a Jehovah’s Witness said, “You’re doing enough for Jehovah. You deserve some time for yourself”?
“Do more. Try harder.” That’s the only advice you’ll ever get in this organization — whether you just got baptized or you’re on the verge of a breakdown. It’s the only advice they’ve got.
It’s easy to think, I’ll just do it to calm everyone down and deal with it later. But baptism doesn’t calm things down — it just tightens the leash.
An unbaptized JW who slips away might get gossip, side-eye, or family disruption, but nothing’s officially required. There’s still gray area. People can still talk to you if they want to. The elders have no real power over you.
A baptized JW who leaves? Whole different story. That’s when you’re looking over your shoulder to make sure you don’t get caught breaking rules because shunning can become mandatory. You’re not just seen as weak — you’re branded a traitor. To the organization (and the people in it), you didn’t just step away from a religion; you betrayed God himself.
That’s the real cost nobody mentions when they’re pushing for that “personal decision.” You’re not just making a choice about faith — you’re signing up for a system that punishes honesty and rewards obedience.
Buying Time (Without Starting a War)
Of course you can’t throw out a flat “no.” But you don’t have to say “yes,” either.
The goal is to slow things down — drag your feet just enough to lower expectations and cool the pressure if possible.
When people won’t stop asking about baptism, you don’t owe them explanations but they will expect them. You do need a way to handle it. Different people will need different responses, so have a few ready that feel natural to you.
When someone asks when you’re getting baptized, it’s usually easiest to be vague or lighthearted about it:
“I don’t know! I guess we’ll see.”
“I’m preparing for it.”
“Well, Jesus was thirty, so I think I’m okay.”
“I’ve got more studying to do first.”
“I’ll pray on it.”
“You’ll be the first to know!”
Play it off however you can, but have a few lines ready — especially for the ones who keep bringing it up. That way, you won’t feel as cornered or put on the spot.
If the pressure’s coming from parents or close family, you might need a softer approach. Talk about how anxious or unsure you feel. You can say things like:
“I don’t want to make such a serious vow when I’m not sure I’m ready.”
“I’m scared of doing it for the wrong reasons because there’s so much pressure.”
“Jehovah would know if I said I was ready when I don’t feel ready, and I can’t lie to Jehovah.”
You can tell them the insane amount of pressure just makes it impossible to think about anything other than the fact THEY want you to get baptized. You’re not refusing — you’re being cautious. You’re treating it like what everybody insists it is: a serious decision. A serious decision can’t be rushed and careful at the same time. So lean into careful!
The Guilt Factor
This whole pressure cooker gets a lot hotter when the people pushing you are people you genuinely care about. Family. Grandparents. Older ones who’ve always been kind. You know they really, really want to see you baptized — and some aren’t above begging or guilt-tripping you to make it happen.
You don’t want to let them down. You do care about them and you’re not heartless.
But their disappointment isn’t about who you really are or the choices you make — it’s about their beliefs and expectations. They’ve been trained to see baptism as the path to salvation, the only option for a good-hearted person who’s been exposed to “the Truth.” That’s not accurate, and it’s not your burden to carry.
Wanting to set your own path is healthy and normal. Feeling pressured into a lifetime commitment you don’t believe in — just to keep others comfortable in the short term— isn’t.
And while they might be thrilled for a moment if you give in and take the dunk, that happiness won’t last. It’ll just make it harder for them to accept it if you ever leave. Not to mention the shunning part. The small ache of disappointing them now is far easier to live with than being cut off completely later.
Your Real Choice
Making the JWs in your life happy with you and living your own life are mutually exclusive goals. It’s very natural to want both, but in the situation, it’s an either-or option.
It’s true some who avoid baptism still get shunned, and some who do get baptized don’t. But it’s important to understand that getting baptized greatly increases your odds of getting shunned. And the older you are when you do it, the more likely your family will see it as a conscious, informed choice. This is true no matter how much pressure was placed on you to do it.
In practice, you are often choosing between being seen as ‘spiritually weak’ by friends and family, riding out their disapproval until you actually leave, or being more completely shut out later. None of this is completely cut and dry, but that’s the most common scenario.
If You Don’t Think You Can Get Out of It (or Have Already Dunked)
Sometimes, no matter what you try, the heat won’t die down. Maybe it’s not being made optional. Maybe it’s about keeping the peace — holding on to what little freedom or support you have right now. Sometimes it’s just survival.
If you feel like you can’t hold out, then do what you need to do in the specific situation you find yourself in. It’ll make things more complicated later, sure, but you play the cards you’ve got, as best you can. Only you know what you can live with.
And getting baptized doesn’t mean you’ll never get out. I was an overachiever and took the dunk at eleven to make my parents proud. I still got out. I do count baptism as the single worst decision of my life — and I’m saying that as someone who checks the senior discount. So, I’m clearly not an advocate. Just know being baptized doesn’t mean you’ll spend your life trapped or never be happy. But it does making exiting more complicated. And it’s complicated enough already.
That’s the point: you do the best you can to survive now, but keep an eye on later. It won’t always be like this. And you’re on your way to something better.
To whatever extent you can, follow your own heart — not someone else’s demands. It’ll never steer you wrong.
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