So, They Want a Christmas List from an exJW? Help!
What’s normal for holiday-lovers feels downright alien when you’ve grown up in a holiday-hating cult. But once you start participating in the wider world, sooner or later, someone’s going to ask you for a Christmas list so they can buy you gifts.
Yes, it’s stressful. And weird. And hard. Suddenly, you’re supposed to whip up a wish list when your only frame of reference for Christmas comes from TV specials you weren’t supposed to watch. It feels like anything you put down is asking for too much, being selfish, or making trouble because you’re not meekly hiding in the corner, pretending you don’t mind being left out.
Your brain spirals: What if they think I’m awful for wanting this stuff? What if they run away in horror?!
I get it. For real.
But here’s the thing—lists actually make life a lot easier for the person buying the gifts. They’ll know exactly what you like (or at least close enough), and shopping gets a lot less stressful for them. So, if you can focus on that part, it helps.
The Guilt Ritual
Of course, when you hand over your list, there’s a ritual. You’ll apologize no fewer than three times, saying things like:
- “You know, I don’t expect you to get all this…”
- “These are just ideas…”
- “Really, don’t feel like you have to—this is just to give you a sense of what I like.”
It’s the official exJW guilt-easing incantation. Use it as needed to ward off the guilt demons, and you’ll feel slightly less terrible and demanding (maybe).
And as you hand it over, you’ll probably still feel a little guilty, largely relieved, and maybe even a little excited all at once. That’s okay. Totally normal.
Building Your List
Treat the list itself like window shopping. Add what catches your eye and don’t overthink it. Amazon wishlists work great because you can link directly to the exact item—especially useful for things like clothes (sizes, colors, etc.) or anything specific that might be hard to guess. When using Amazon, pick your size and color first—those details will save in the link and save your gift-giver a headache.
For more general ideas, categories work just fine:
- “Fuzzy socks” (because who doesn’t love those?)
- “Funny T-shirts (2X, please)”
- “Anything for my epoxy resin hobby.”
- “I’ve been baking a lot, so cake pans would be great.”
You can even theme it up:
- “I’m collecting rainbow titanium kitchen stuff, so anything in that style would be awesome.”
- “New music—surprise me!”
Sample Christmas “Ideas”
Here’s what a list might look like:
- Cool jacket – [Link here]
- Neat wall art – [Link]
- A book by [Author Name]
- Funny XL T-shirts
- Sonic the Hedgehog anything
- New socks (preferably hole-free)
The idea is to give them options with a variety of price ranges—specific things for when they need details, general categories for when they want to wing it. Bonus: if one item’s not their vibe (“You like Backstreet Boys collector posters? Really?”), they’ll have other stuff to pick from.
And Finally, Celebrate
Yeah, this all feels very weird and stressful, but here’s the good part of it: someone cares enough about you to demand a list. That’s kind of amazing, right? They genuinely want to get something for YOU—and no one’s forcing them.
So, after you hand it over (and repeat your guilt mantra as needed), take a moment to appreciate that.
Merry Christmas, fellow exJW heathen. 🎄
Do you have more tips or thoughts to share? Add them in the comments.
